I seriously don't understand why beauty standards even involve the body at all. I shouldn't be self concious of how I look in clothes, I look fantastic! but I am because guess what? Nothing is flattering for my body type. Clothes manufactuerers don't seem to understand that a size large body might sit a bit different than a size small, and that just providing the exact same cut with a tiny bit more fabric doesnt do anything!! And why is there always so much more allowance for the chest than the stomach? It's totally sending the wrong message to both girls with bigger tummies and girls with flatter chests. There's more to be said about my frustrations, and a lot more nuance and decades worth of advertising, soscietal standards, and attitudes that go into why we're at the point that we are, but I can't coherently explain all of those here. I want to finally write that comprehensive thesis paper on the topic but also I feel like I need to stop thinking about all of this so much. and yet I'm never actively seeking it out it just follows me from watching a red carpet premiere all the way to the dressing room at Ross.

Okay so I don't know if any of y'all have ever been into Kane Pixel's backrooms but he has another series called the oldest view so if by any chance any of y'all enjoy TOV the fan server is up and running. ALSO in other news, I've finally broken into voice acting! So far I've gotten 4 gigs...one was just a cameo in a larger collab video with a lot of the most popular theory youtubers in the niche of KF but...still very exciting! I've also been tearing inot cyber security and have a ton of cretaive projects this month so VT will be on hiatus until probably.....after my birthday in June. see y'all then!!

good news

i only have 5 assignments left this semester

I finally picked of Daemon again and im OBSESSED!! I ended up buying the sequel and like 4 compsci/cybersecurity books

making my costume to go see the backrooms movie

bad news

ended up in the ER yesterday, and apparently I have a lot wrong with my gallbladder and now i cant really eat anything

all 5 of my last assignments are major projects...

I just had the best weekend trip evaaahhhhh! I finally drove back to my hometown where cause my best friend still lives there while she goes to uni in a neighboring city and like. omg I miss her so much I had so much fun and I was so sad to leave this morning :((((( but we went to the mall and ate junk food and took a million pictures and did homework together and swung on the swings we used to play on as kids and walked around and then got ice cream cause she had a million free coupons etc etc etc all the fun things. I'll do a piccy of the shopping haul when I get my new tees out of the wash and such. I'm thinking I'll do all my assignments for school super quick this week so I can make the random page finally and post all my pics there. so stay tuned for that!!! I had a ton of cute pics from this weekend but I wanna stay mysterious on here so I'm tryna figure out the perfect way to cover my face where you can still see my absolutely PERFECT fringe I achieved friday night lolz. THX PRKR FOR LETTING ME EAT YOUR FOOD AND SLEEP IN UR BED AS ALWAYS!!! miss you already xo

I had a really yummy salad and sandwich for lunch today. the sandwich was a BAGEL SANDWICH! I didn't know peopel made those past breakfast adn it wasn't even an egg sanwhich it had a ton of rocket and tomatoes and some asagio cheese. YUM! and I know we don't call it rocket here in the U.S. we call it argula but rocket just makes it sound so much cooler haha. the salad had like a ton of different dark greens and the avocado and a bunch of mixed grains and seeds! I don't eat out a ton nowadays because I promised myself I would stop eating so much junk all the time (college reallllly messes with your eating habits but I think if anyone sat through a 3 hour lecture after an 8 hour shift at work, you too would down a subway footlong in 2 minutes flat) so this marked my first eating out for the whole year! and it was delicious!

I got a Nikon coolpix and it worked so freaking well and it even took VIDEOSSSS and i could take one handed pics without the flash and it not be blurry. and I was taking pics and suddenly RIGHT AS I FIGURED OUT THE PERFECT ANGLE they all started looking super blurry and I was like what?? maybe the battery is low? and I noticed the lens was acting weird still and tried to turn it off and it said LENS ERROR and now its totes broken and I can't figure out how to fix it :( RIP my literally BRAND NEW camera. now its back to the random no name digicam or i gotta start lugging around my giant kodak haha

well, i wrote that last post only two chapters into Daemon and well, the 3rd chapter had a shout out to my hometown and i got excited but unfortunately the following scene had a depiction of something so nasty it made me sick to my stomach. i think the rest of the book is completely normal crime thriller but its gonna be hard to keep reading without thinking about how this author writes women and how he possibly thinks of them. It could very well supposed to be how the characters think and we're SUPPOSED to be disgusted, but lets just say i got back into reading a wrinkle in time cause i needed a breather. YUCK

so for anyone who doesn't know me personally you wouldn't know it but reading and loving books used to be like, the MAIN thing I was known for as a child and teenager. Well you might have been able to guess seeming as I'm pursuing a degree in library science but I digress. anywho, as I began to burn out in high school I read less and less, mainly just rereading the same books I've alwasy read every year but without ever reading anything new! Tragic, I know :( and to top it off with the egregious amounts of reading I'm doing in uni, everytime I sit down to read my brain either going into stress mode or if it's an easier read, relaxation which is BAD because I just fall asleep. I've woken up drooling on my books more than once this semester...and my sudoku books...and my nintendo DS (ó﹏ò｡)

I LOVE books, but with reading becoming a "fad" when I was in high school and then actuallt sticking and becoming cool, it's painful because all my friends who used to never read are now reading a ton and somehow I feel like a poser but for BOOKS of all things XD as I type it I realize how ridiculous that is..I'm literally in college reading hundreds of academic papers a week I should cut myself some slack

anyways all this to say I've tried to read 2 books so far this year that weren't teaching or academic adjacent; Dracula and a re-read of A Wrinkle In Time. now if you navigate to my favorites tab you'll see AWIT is one of my favorite books, but I think because of that I keep falling asleep...it's just too comforting!! and don't think I'm a wuss but Dracula was FAR too unsettling to read at night. nevertheless I have found a new book to tear into called Daemon by Daniel Suarez. I've heard he's a very similar writer to Michael Crichton whose work I really enjoy and I can definitely see the similarities so far. I'm only a few chapters in but it's already freaky how relistic the science of this seems, I can't wait to write a review on it!

it's really funny talking to my brother about anime because it is baffling to him that his little sister who was OBSESSED with anime from the ages of 11-15 hasn't even touched it in like. 5 years or so. He's like oh well you saw the new season of yadda yadda blah blah blah and I'll tell him I have no clue what that is and he looks at me like I grew a second head! which i guess is fair because I was the one on top of everything coming out for a long time but at some point some shows were taking so long I just started checking out the manga from the library, finished it, and never touched the show again XD I've kept up with reading manga but only really slice of life stuff like nichijou and I still watch studio ghibli of course. I think my favorite is Only Yesterday or Totoro :) maybe I'll start watching Naruto again or pick up Dragon Ball who knows!

okay so really silly thing, I've never been to a concert or to a show or anything like that until feb of this year, my friend and I went to this DJ set that was soooo fun!! They played all my fav bands but tbh they only played one hit single from each band EXCEPT for MCR.. for which the ONLY SONG THEY PLAYED was Ghost of You???? which is a GREAT song but we both agreed it was such a weird choice since they have very upbeat or danceable songs and that is very notably one of their slowest songs???? and I thought Dance, Dance would be the obvious choice for FOB but they just played SWGD :( haha I say that with a sad face but Kat literally has a video of me crying when it came on (ᵕ—ᴗ—) LOOK!!! don't make fun of me I've never been to any sort of music venue and I could feel the beat in my bones and if you know me IRL you know music is my whole life so hearing my favorite band play so loud on a night I was already having so much fun was very overwhelming in like, the best way possible.

anyways I felt like I had a lot of fun but the song choices could have gone beyond just the mainstream and the actually mixing was very limited, mainly just a slight fade in between songs or a stop in the middle so the crowd could sing, and overall the whole experience has inspired me to look into DJing or at least music mixing!! I know I'll never get to host my own gig like that but even if it's just for me I'll be happy haha. I think starting the set with Dance, Dance with the extended intro like the MV to start would be super fun, and then straight into Press Coverage (TODBMASITPC if you wanna be technical about it) by PATD. I won't bore you with the rest but I think if I became a DJ I would end every set, no matter the genre, with Panic by the Smiths. I just think it would be hilarious!

omg makin this has been such a blast but i haven't even had time to write any posts yet!! I'm so excited i've always wanted to make my own site and anything I learned html when i was 12 and then like, totally forgot all of it so I had to reteach myself. I ended up adding markers on eveything in my code because I'm already forgetting what I've relearned XDDDD I don't even know where to start with introducing myself so I won't. If your seeing this my site is TOTES still under construction so don't mind how uggo have the pages are right now. I haven't even remade the logo for my MAIN PAGE yet (T_T) BUT for some reason when i redesigned everything I used the blog page as the starter (so as not to screw up my homepage if anyone happened to drop in) so this is the one page that I'm pretttty sure is 100% there!

₍^. .^₎Ⳋ -Zoë